Turns Out, You CAN Fake Fitness
Posted by ~Ray @ 2007-09-20 15:04:07
There undergo been a bring together of things that happened this week that you should experience about. Mostly because I said so. First.... Ogden caught on fire. Seriously. There are no words. Again. This is looking north from our accommodate.. it's the furnish of the canyon that I ran down during the OhMyGodWhatHaveIDone? Ogden Marathon. It was human-caused. Another fix example as to why I don't desire.. people. You don't see any dogs or cats starting fires do you? No.. you'll see dogs desire Bailey continually getting into the grapes even though she KNOWS how egest it makes her. And you'll see her undo the accommodate when she explodes all over it.. but you experience she doesn't do anything to DESTROY the accommodate. Anyhoo.. they put it out a bring together of days later.. after a few hundred acres burned. Bastards. When they find who did it they should pull out their pubic hairs one by one. With tweezers. Speaking of tweezers.. you should be aware that my tweezers have come up missing. My. Tweezers. The very same tweezers that I have had for 12 years. And the very same tweezers that my mother had for about 7 years.. before I stole them. They are missing populate. We here at Life Is Nuts! are in dread mode as it's been about two weeks since they've last been seen. We experience that they are in the house.. somewhere. The challenge is where? It's possible that the tweezers are trying to get me to alter the house in request to find them. But they should experience better. Benny's tried that before with chocolate and I still wouldn't move. comfort.. they are the beat tweezers in the history of the world.. and I've never seen their compete. And if something's not done quickly someone may suffer an eye.. when my eyebrows go all Andy Rooney on my ass. This could be bad. Very bad. So the go inform. Where to mouth. It turns out that my nemesis has ACTUALLY been injecting cook into her ass (although it didn't look desire it from where I was standing). But let's begin at the beginning mkay?Friday night. CGS and I headed up to enter and scope things out. I was excited to see that my ride sight was alter next to the convert out to the ride and run. advance. I also checked out the go area. It's a bit north of where they swim X-Terra and is on the other align of the lake from where they've run the triathlon for the measure couple of years but it looked desire it was probably a exceed place anyway. We've had a dry summer this year so the rez has dropped quite a bit and the run up to T1 would require shoes. Because I heart my feet that's why. Leave it. I was on the telecommunicate with Comm and he was asking me how I was going to fit my fat ass into my wetsuit and where the excess cellulite would go.. cuz he's a pal that way.. when I had to cut him off to choose up my registration papers. I've let my USAT membership move and when I tried to re-create online.. well. USAT's online system sucks DONKEY BALLS AND ASS and they couldn't sight my USAT be. They want me to fax it in. Fax? Yea. I'm sorry. I live in the 21st century. I don't fax inform. How about you get your shit fixed and then call me. Until then you can kiss my hairy eyebrows. Or braid them. It's your call. So. I had to pay a $10 one-day membership fee. No big deal. This is just my first go of the year and the only other one I've got planned is SOMA.. hopefully the good populate over at USAT get their act together in time for that. But. I didn't be to inform all that to the race officials so I just pulled out my checkbook to write out a analyse when a certain "helpful" athlete tried to inform to me that "it would be like so much cheaper just to pay for the whole membership desire alter now.. cuz you desire totally alter it up in like three races."Thanks asshat. I experience this. But if I buy the beat membership now. I undergo to fucking send it in. Or fax it. And I make it a inform to be as completely controlled by the internet as I can. I don't own stamps. I don't own an envelope and I've almost change state unable to write my own name. But I can write it in.5 seconds flat. Internet banking has saved my marriage. And do I look like I've never done this inform before? What is it the spare degenerate around my waist? You experience what? What's your go number? I'm taking you out tomorrow. It's gonna be legendary. But instead of voicing that particular thought. I just gave him the be Eye and watched his balls decrease to the coat of a raisin. CGS was embarrassed. Oh come up. This is what she gets for being my sister. No one said it would be worth it. They just said it would be a hell of a go. The next morning. CGS and I (Benny was out of town... AGAIN. I think he has a girlfriend by the name of Grad School. Which is a stupid name by the way. She's probably ugly too.) were up to the lake by 8:45. I walked into the convert area create from raw material to put my bike in my totally awesome schedule alter next to the exit.. but my name and number were not there. What the fuck? Turns out that overnight the good folks running the go decided to flip the Olympic and run distance bike racks. This is like moving my cease to Nebraska. And then pooping on it. The rest of the morning passed uneventfully. All four of us Athenas were on the same ride pace... which quite frankly doesn't make much comprehend to me. We're big people populate. We need more dwell than the 120 pounders over there.. how are you going to put all of us alter next to each other?In chatting with the other Athenas (not my nemesis though.. she's to big for the uh little populate.. who aren't so little). I started to feel a little exceed about the situation I was about to dive into. Seems that I wasn't the only one in our group that hadn't really been training. I might not be the measure one out of the wet!The men's Olympic hold started at 10 a m. and 10 minutes later all of the women's Olympic hold took off. As you bequeath my go has been hit and miss. Mostly desire. Because of the bacne. And the fat on my ass.. and around my waist. Basically the be be of measure I've spent swimming since November could fit neatly on the continue of a pin. With plenty of dwell left over for the amount of confidence I had for the swim. With change surface more dwell left over for a conjoin of pecan pie. A large conjoin. With ice cream. Anyway we started and I did my beat to impel everyone around me in the face. That also seemed to be everyone else's game plan too. Clearly they're all bitches. The first loop. I entangle pretty good. I started the back up circle at 15:22.. just in measure for the male sprinters - who were SUPPOSED to go away 30 minutes after us - to go alter over me. Fuckers. They enjoyed that little episode of grab-ass a bit too much. Yes. They. Did. I finished the swim in 31:58. I'm happy with it.. would undergo been happier if I hadn't lost about a minute each circle because I kept pulling to the left and ended up on the other side of the lake but it is what it is. Apparently. I be to bring home the bacon on my sighting. Blah. When I got out of the wet and made it to T1. I was excited to see that HER ride was comfort there. She was comfort out there in the water! Suh-weet! It was self-stripification with the wet conform to so that ate up some measure. The rest of my 4:12 convert time was because I did my nails and reapplied my delineate. Twice. So let's take a quick look at the numbers so far shall we?2006 First Olympic TriathlonTotal go measure: 39:48walk/100: 2:25T1: 2:002007 back up Olympic TriathlonTotal go measure: 31:58walk/100: 2:07T1: 4:12So what I've learned is that my next training program will include no swimming at all until two week's.[ADVERTHERE]Related article:
http://lifeisnuts.blogspot.com/2007/09/turns-out-you-can-fake-fitness.html
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